Rat

I'm angry right now! Or sad. Or desperate. I don't know ok?!

Before you think that I'm going through a break up or something, please know that I'm talking about a rat. Yes, a rat. And no, I'm not dating this rat. It's just a rat that suddenly appeared in our house a month ago. And it just pops in and out as it pleases.

My mum is like, freaking terrified of rats. Like, seriously. She'll just scream and scream and scream when she sees a rat. Any rat, anywhere. Even at hawker centres, when a rat runs by like ten tables away, she'll start screaming. And then I'll look away and pretend I don't know what's happening.

Yes, it's the real deal my mum's fear of rats. Apparently, the fear of rats is known as Musophobia. Nice word, no? It suits the fear.

So anyway, my mum went on and on and on about this rat. Every single day since the rat appeared she has to talk about it at least once.

Everyday she'd be like, 'Yorr, girl ah, what to do?'


Then I'll be like, 'What? Catch it lah. I say so many times already.'


And she'll be like, 'I dare not catch it! I dare not take away the cage!'


And then I'll be like, 'I take lah. I said SO many times already.'


And she'll be all, 'Really? You say one har?'


And I'll be like, 'YES. I said SO MANY TIMES ALREADY!!!'


And then she'll say, 'Aiyah, don't want lah, don't want lah. So disgusting.'


And then I'll be all, 'Suak. After the rat reproduce and give birth to a million baby rats don't come and find me.'


And she'll be like, 'Yerr..girl ah! Why you like that one!'


But the next day, when she finds out the rat ate her potato/bread/banana or whatever, the whole conversation would be repeated all over again.

And I have no idea why people can be so afraid of rats. Like my mum, she's not afraid of cats but she's afraid of rats. I mean, why? If you're afraid of animals in general then I understand. But this is just so weird.

If you think about it, cats are actually bigger than rats. And cats don't run when they see you. In fact, they come closer if they think there's a chance for free food.

Rats on the other hand, run even when they hear a remotely human-like sounding activity. And they take your food quietly in the middle of the night. It doesn't kacau you at all.

Yes, yes. I know rats are dirty. They carry diseases and stuff. They bite through your electricity cables. And they bite through your rubbish bag. And they steal your food. And cats clean themselves. And they don't carry diseases. And at least they don't steal food, they beg for food. And they kill rats.

Anyway, my mum finally gave in one day. She bought a rat trap...and rat poison to go with it. I've never seen rat poison before. I thought rat poison was a liquid or soultion. And then you put it on the food that the rat is supposed to eat. But it's not like that at all!

It's a little pink roundish thing, and the rat is supposed to eat it. After eating it, the rat is supposed to feel like, super thirsty or something and go drink water. When it drinks the water, the water is supposed to have a chemical reaction of some sort with the rat poison, and the rat dies.

You know what the weird thing is? My mum does not even dare to touch the rat trap. Sweat, right? I had to put that smelly dried sotong on the hook of the cage.







Something like that. When it bites the sotong, which is hooked on to a wire, the spring will be activated and the door will close.

My mum went on full offence. She set the trap and put rat poison everywhere.

The first few nights the rat didn't bite the bait. My mum started thinking that maybe my neighbour's crazy theory was true. This 'theory', so called, is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Look at it.

Crazy theory: Rats understand human language and therefore knows of your plan to catch it. Hence, it does not fall for traps.

Chinese superstitions are weirddddd.

Anyway, this morning on the 4th day of Operation: Rat Trap, I was rudely awaken by my mum yelling,

'Girl! Girl! The rat! The rat! It's in the trap! It's just sitting there! Faster come and take it awayyyyy!'


I rolled out of bed and went to the trap. Oh and poor rat. It was trying so hard to escape! Biting the walls, sniffing everywhere. It didn't even finish the sotong. It was too scared to eat maybe?

So I went and pick it up. And he/she/it was so pitiful. It looked at me with those eyes.

And that's when something occured to me. I asked my mum,

'What are you going to do with the rat?'


'Kill it, of course!!'


'How?'


'By pouring hot water on it.'


'WHAT?! NO! That's so cruel!!'


'Got what other ways? It's better than leaving it under the sun to be scorched to death.'


'Don't like that lah! It's so inhumane! It didn't even do anything wrong!'


'What? It ate our food!'


'Of course lah, it eats to survive ma! Not its fault!'


'Then what do you suggest we do to it?'


'Take it to a dumpster far away or something?'


'No! It will run back to our house!'


'Oh yeah. Right. I leave it in a dumpster full of food and the first thing it thinks of is to run right back to our house. Even Chihuahua's aren't that stupid'


'And how are we supposed to take it to this 'far away dumpster'? Put in in MY car? NO!'


'Then at least poison it or something lah. Don't use hot water. That's just so wrong. I caught the rat! I get to decide how it dies!'


'Fine. Take it outside. If within one day it doesn't die, I'm using the hot water.'


So I took it outside. Poor rat. I popped in a few of those rat poison things. After half an hour, I went out to check if it ate the poison. It didn't touch any of them! It was still trying to escape. Poor thing. I'm beginning to worry for the rat.

I had no other choice. I gave crazy neighbour's theory a chance and I talked to the rat.

'Uhm hello? Hi there, rat. Listen, you have to eat these pretty pink things. It's good for you. You'd die peacefully like that. It's better than dying by hot water. I've heard that's quiet painful. Don't believe me? Ask your dead ancestors.'


'Don't kill me! I have 40 children to feed! I won't ever come to your house again, please! Is there no other method that does not end in my death?'


'I am sorry, rat.'


No, the rat did not actually reply me. But I think that was what it was saying. I hope it understood what I said.  I'm doubtful though. Just to be on the safe side, I googled:

HOW TO KILL A RAT HUMANELY 

This was what I found.

Cervical dislocation: Place the rat on its belly. Get a slim object to put pressure on the rats neck. Hold it by the tail, and pull back. You should here a ripping/breaking noise. 

(What the hell? This is not humane AT ALL!)

Projectile: Shoot the rat. (Ideally with a bb gun.) However there will be blood. So clean well. 

(Ewwww!)

Asphyxiation: Get an airtight plastic container. Get a small cup with baking soda and vinegar. Place the rat in the container. Pour the baking soda and vinegar into the cup and put that in the container. Close the lid. The rat should eventually pass out and painlessly die. this is the single most humane way to kill the rat. 

(This actually seems okay. I hope we have vinegar and baking soda in the house!)

I really wish there was some other way that involves not killing the rat. But it seems like there aren't. So say goodbye to your friends and family, rat. =(


Any ideas?!