The Impossible

I never thought the day would come. The day where I would voluntarily get into a dress.

It was for Interact Installation. Anyway, my friend made a good point. She said if I didn't go, I would be the only one who has never attended a formal event. Which kinda sucks. I so don't want to be left out. It's not cool.

Maybe years later, my friends would be all,

'Hey, remember the time we were in formal wear?'

And the others would be like,

'Oh, yeah, yeah! That was fun!'

And I would be like,

'No...' =(

So came the impulsive decision. The first step was to tell my mum. Which I thought would be kinda tricky. I'm like unofficially grounded or something. Mana tau...in the end she so happy sampai drag me all over Taiping to find the dress. What a waste of time fretting about it. I guess she was just glad that I finally wore a dress.

I know this because she said,

'Finally, you wear a dress.' 

And my dad too. Though he didn't really know what was up. He just saw my status on facebook and over-hyped himself. I should really use this to my advantage. I see a car in the near future. Heh Heh.

(Click here to see the drama queen in action.)

So my mum took me to go dress hunting. I was cringing internally through the whole process. Even now, every time I time I type the word 'dress', I shiver. Seriously. Look.

Dress.

*shivers*

See?

Since I have virtually zero experience in this, I had no choice but to have faith in my mum's taste. Yes, that's how inexperienced I am. The event was at night and I was buying the dress *shivers* in the afternoon. The only other person I had contact with on such short notice was my younger brother. It would be highly illogical to ask him instead of my mum. Highly, highly, illogical.

So basically, my mum dragged me to all these shops or boutiques and picked out dresses for me. I just stood at the corner waiting, intimidated by all the clothes. Then, my mum would throw a pile of dresses at me and told me to go try them on.

This is the part that made me blurr. BLURR.

So I went into the fitting room, (DUH). Changing outside for the world to see would be so degrading...and in Malaysia, possibly illegal. But the fitting rooms aren't that great either. They basically just consist of 3 very unstable wall-like things and a flimsy curtain. I have never felt more insecure.
What if a huge gust of wind suddenly blew the curtains apart?

Damn the tiny boutiques.

So next I look at the pile of clothes. I don't know which one to try on first. This is such a bad idea. I sigh and get on with it anyway. I closed my eyes and pulled one out at random.

And I pulled out a purple dress.

And I thought to myself, 'Right. I'll just put this on and get it over with.'

And then I realised...I didn't know how to put in on. Lame, I know! But these things are actually very complicated! I was searching everywhere for zippers and buttons...in vain I must add. There were none. Zero. Nil. Zilch.

Without the very vital zippers/buttons, how was I supposed to put the damn thing on?! See...this is what happens when all you wear all T-shirts and jeans.

In the end, I concluded that the only way to put it on was to pull it over my head. I simply could not find any other alternate way of wearing it. So I pulled it on...and I couldn't go any further. I only got my neck through.

So, slowly, I tried putting the right arm through first. That failed. Then I tried with my left arm, which failed too. Then I tried it with both arms simultaneously. I don't know why I did that. If I couldn't get ONE arm through, what makes me think that I can get BOTH arms through?

I must have been in there for at least 5 minutes trying to put in on. In the end, I managed to force my way into it. Thank God.

It was then that I saw myself in the mirror. IT WAS HORRIFYING! I looked like a freaking transsexual. Well, maybe not to the untrained eye, but I don't remember ever seeing myself wearing a dress and suddenly...formal wear? Whoa! Baby steps!

Then my mum impatiently said,

'Quickly come out and let me see how you look.'


'Uhh...I'd rather not. I look weird. I'l just try on the next one.'

'What! Let me see first lah!'


And then she yanked open the curtain. And then she laughed. Erghhh.

'I told you I looked weird!'


Insulted, I pulled back the curtains with more force than necessary. This is so SO out of my comfort zone. Outside, I heard my mum telling me to try on the next one. And then I groaned. Oh God...I forgot there were more.

And this is where the weird part comes in. Taking it off was actually ten times harder than putting it on.

I pulled and I yanked and I squirmed and I squeezed but to no avail. It just refused to come off. At the same time, I was afraid the dress would be ripped apart from the force or something. But in the end, I decided to just pull it off with one swift motion. If it refused to come off, I'll just continue pulling it until it does. That was my strategy.

Poorly planned, terribly executed. 

The motion of pulling was what nobody would ever relate to as 'swift'. It was more towards 'klutzy'. And the time when I said I was going to continue pulling until it came off? Yeah, I petty much stopped that when I heard a noise which sounded alarmingly ripp-y-ish.

In the end, I got stuck with one arm out around my head, permanently fixated at that angle. The other was still inside squashed awkwardly, bent like a chicken wing. It looked so much like a chicken wing that it made me want to cry. Why was I looking like a crippled chicken? I was supposed to be miraculously awesome-looking. No...I wanted the opposite of this. =(

Moving on, because of the arm that stuck out, there wasn't much place left for my neck. The result, it got bent at this weird, painful angle. Perpendicularly 90 degrees to my arm. Ouch. I looked like a yoga master...a yogi if you will.

So all in all, yes people. I got stuck.

After accepting the fact that I couldn't move even ONE more centimeter, I decided the only thing left to do was to call for help. Which was so embarrassing. I'm freaking 17 years old and I can't take off a dress. Well, Kudos to me. Trying not to let the sales girl hear (humiliating much), I whispered to my mum telling her I couldn't take it off.

And my mum was so clueless! I was like,

'Mummy...mummy..!'


'What?'


'I have a problem...'


'Huh? I can't hear you. What did you say again?'


'I can't take it off...'


'You what? 


'Shhh! Not so loud! I said..I can't...take it...off!'


'Eh? Wear finish already is it? Then come out and let me see!'


And then she freaking pulls open the curtain.

I gasped. I was like, half-naked trying to take off the damn thing. My semi-nakedness was opened for the world to see. And the fitting room was so small, there were only so many places to hide. I was fervently trying to hop out of view. Yes, hop. Remember, my pose at that time wasn't optimum for escaping.

Boy was I mad.

'Whey! Close the curtain!'


'I thought you said you finished changing already.'


'NOOO. I said I couldn't take it off! How does that even remotely sound like: 


I'm done and not semi-naked! You may now open the curtains and reveal my fully-clothed body for the world to see?!' 


'How would I know what you were mumbling about? And why are you taking so long?'


'I'm stuck.'


'Stuck? How did you manage to do that?'


'I don't know okay. Will you please help me take it off now?'


'You didn't unzip or unbutton is it?'


'NO. I searched through the whole dress. There ARE no zips or buttons.'


And so with our combined efforts, we pulled and yanked and squirmed and squeezed again. It took so long, even my mum was starting to get worried. The time taken definitely passed the five-minute mark. And finally, just when we were both at our wits end, the dress came off. PHEW.

I chased my mum out and gratefully put my own clothes back on. Ahh. The comfort of T-shirts and jeans. I decided not to try any more dresses there. Partly because I was traumatized, but mostly I was so embarrassed. The whole shop heard the whole commotion. Just as I was about to come out, I noticed something on the dress.

It was a zip.

I could not believe my eyes. How did I miss that?! Upon further investigation,I realized it was one of those hidden zippers that cannot be seen from the outside. Now who would go and invent something stupid like that?! Stupid advanced zipper technology.

Designers these days. Now if I were a designer, my designs would be chic, simple, sexy, yet elegant at the same time. Something that designers all over the world have failed to produce in recent years. I would be rich and famous with the likes of Beyonce ordering a gown months in advance and burn money for fun. Oh, and it would have millions of zippers all over the place.

Examples of gowns I would design:

The Deep 'V'.
Specialty: The deep 'V' cuts all the way down across your stomach and ends just an inch above your...you now where. So ladies, be sure to clean your belly button before wearing this beauty.

The Deep 'U'
Specialty: For the more daring ones who think that the deep 'V' is way too conservative, then the deep 'U' is the right dress for you! This dress boasts a plunging neckline...very plunging indeed. The best thing about this dress? No need for belly-button cleaning!

Infiniti.

More to come..the deep 'O's', the deep 'W's'...and many more dresses will be added to this exciting collection!

Well, there is an ending to the story. I got sidetracked. Finally at the seventh shop, my mum found a dress that didn't make me look like a gorilla. And the shoes! She kept insisting that I wear heels! I told her the dress was my limit and I couldn't take in anymore. It was too overwhelming. But my mum kept on saying that if I didn't wear heels, then I wouldn't look nice in the dress. And I said something along the lines of yeah right. Everyone looks at my shoes.

Fast forward a few hours later, and I'm getting ready for this thing. I really had no patience for this dress thing, and I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself impatiently. I had my hands on my hips and all that. My mum walked by and she gasped when she saw me.

'That is so unlady-like!'

And then she spent the next 30 minutes teaching me how to walk properly. LAME!

I'll continue this another day...possibly after SPM. I'm too damn lazy. Haha. Goodbye people!