For the pain of a never again

My dear old friend, take me for a spin;
two wolves in the dark, last run in the wind;
As the moonlight hit, streaming through the silent trees;
Stare each other down, even, steady breeze.

Break the stare, close your eyes now,
Let it feel, course through one last time;
Hold your breath, brace yourself now;
For the pain and a silent cry

____________________________________________________

Saying goodbye to an old friend is difficult, hardest part being the last sigh that follows the pain of a never again. I've had to bid farewell to the greatest of friends over the course of my (modestly short) lifetime and they have all been soul rippingly painful, but saying goodbye to self-protection, my oldest, dearest friend and the only thing I've ever learned to depend on...that is something else altogether. That is literally my soul ripped apart.

It might seem ironic that I refuse to let go of something that's hurting me, but my old friend has been nothing but protective, aggressively watching over me, zealously jealous in keeping me alive. I'm thankful for all that its done, I might not have survived otherwise. No one else, it seemed, would've done that for me. But you see, in surviving I stopped thriving. And that's no way to live, no way at all. That is the irony of self-protection. In protecting yourself, you lose yourself.

And that is my problem, I fight. To a fault, I fight. I say this not out of pride, but to my shame. While it might have been needed before, I stopped needing it the moment I befriended a Victor who told me I was no longer a victim. A Warrior who is mighty to save. A Lord who all but told me I need only be still. And for a season, out of awe, I did stop fighting. But then the past caught up with the present, and the present forgot the past. What's already been done. What's already been fought. What's already been won.

For the first time in my life, I realize how terrifying it is to actually let go of the only thing I've ever depended on. I resist, knowing full well I'm stubbornly not letting God touch the pain. Why won't I let God touch the pain? Who knows. Who can understand the heart? I need to let it go. Fully and completely. I need to learn how to trust. I need to learn how to jump. I need to learn how to fall.

But first, I need a moment to say goodbye to my old friend, and heave one last sigh for the pain of a never again.

Chasing the Moon

The moon is the only thing I see in this darkness,
because everything is dark when you're sad
And I don't know if it's because there's nothing else to compare it to
or if I have just never observed the moon before
but in this aloneness
it is like I am looking at it for the first time
and I decided that we were to be best friends.

One thing about being friends with the moon though:
the distance gets kind of annoying,
and no matter how hard you try to bridge the gap,
it's just always there.
But of course I didn't know this from before
and I think that's how life usually goes
I just wished that what is, didn't have to be.

I remember walking across roads,
zipping through trees,
cutting across fields,
and dodging the occasional familiar face,
just so I could catch a clear view of the moon.
Unobstructed by buildings or street lights,
just so that I could sit down and talk.

It never happened. It was always something.
A roof (the pointy part),
A lamp (artificial light ruins everything),
An unnaturally tall tree (why are trees so tall?),
A building (if only you weren't placed right there).
I started to walk faster, and more urgently
but it did nothing to help the situation.


By the time I gave up
I looked around and realized that nothing was familiar anymore.
I looked back up at the moon
and realized that I was no nearer to it now
then I was when I first started
And it was then that I realized it was a dumb idea
to be best friends with the moon.

It wasn't the moon's fault, I apologize if I made it sound that way.
If anything, the moon was only doing it's job -
being bright and pretty and all.
It was me. I should have known better.
But of course I didn't know this from before
and I think that's how life usually goes
I just wished that what is, didn't have to be.

Haunting words

Things have been so overwhelming lately. So overwhelming in fact that I simply do not have the emotional and mental capacity to cope and remain sane. So I drew a baby instead.

See this is obviously a sign of me going crazy. I mean, which baby was born with a full set of perfect white teeth? And a blonde mohawk? NO BABY, that's the answer.

Anyway, I don't have the energy to get into what happened - I wasted it all on drawing the freaky baby. To cut a long story short, I heard the one thing that any child would never want to hear from their parents. And I actually heard it twice, from both sides, within the span of one month.

It went something along the lines of:

'Girl ah, I've already tried my best. I apologize' 

 I repeat, from BOTH parents. So now:

Take the guilt, multiply it by two, add stress, subtract happiness, and you get my life. Damn I wish I could smile like that stupid baby. Who draws smiling babies anyway?!

Oh wait, I do.

THE END

Effects of 2nd hand smoke

Week 2 of extremely-delayed-new-years-weight-loss-resolution-plan-thingy:

Trying to diet is proving impossible. First my mum comes to visit - we eat. Then my dad comes back. We eat again. Somebody's birthday - food. Somebody's farewell - food. Somebody's anything really - FOOD.

Also, my bosses have been on really tight deadlines, so every lunch break also call me da bao for them. And they always give me extra money to cover my own lunch. The words 'Free food' and 'Malaysian' have NEVER gone together EVER in a sentence. As if that wasn't enough, both my bosses are women who are prone to stress eating - trips to Baskin Robbins and Coffee Bean are getting increasingly common. I don't know if I should be happy or not.

In other news, this is a picture from the treadmill I ran on.

Stupid machine. You don't know the plight of the humans!

I ran 2km in under 15 minutes, at a speed of 11.5kph, and the damn machine tells me I'm only at level 1. This treadmill was definitely made by Asians. Or maybe I'm just fat. Sadly enough, this picture was taken 3 days ago. Since then I haven't been to the gym and have been spending my time eating instead with said father above (refer to paragraph 1).

Said father above has also been smoking a lot in an air-conditioned house, so a disturbing amount of life-threatening second hand smoke has been happily entering my lungs. Said lungs is now believed to have contracted cancer.

Owner of lungs is displeased. 3 days ago said lungs could easily sustain a 15 minute run, but now it could barely support a 5 minute walk. If anyone is doing a case study on how fast a person dies from second hand smoke, this is some pretty solid info.

Anyway to wrap this up, above mentioned father has been lectured about giving his daughter cancer. The father listened to the daughter patiently while lighting up another cigarette. The daughter wonders why she even tries.

THE END

Short post: Hittin' the gym!

I went to the gym today! I was so proud of myself that I cried while exercising. NO THEY WERE NOT TEARS OF PAIN.

After burning all the calories though, I went back home and cooked myself some kick ass Thai Tomyam, effectively replacing all the calories I lost. Hopefully the Tomyam gives me diarrhea lah, then can get rid of all the calories again.

To sum it up:

Sprinted 10 minutes on this bad boy. Sprinted ah, mind you.

Did 25 sit ups on this bad girl. Look how inclined it is ah, mind you.

Did 15 reps on whatever the hell this monstrosity is. I actually read the instructions on how to use this ah, mind you.

Okay, I know this is like, so not impressive, but please forgive me. It's only my second day at the gym after almost 4 years of an extremely sedentary life filled with fast food and maybe just a little too much partying. Baby steps!

Simple record of stats on the treadmill
Speed: 10.5km/hr (That's not bad. Only 37.7km/h slower than Usain Bolt and 99.5km/h slower than a cheetah. Feeling proud here!)

Time: 10 minutes (I'm ashamed to even look at myself. Dishonor onto my familly.)

Calories Burned: 100kCal (Sometimes I question myself if its even worth it. Tomyam one packet already 450 calories. Sigh.)

Heart rate: 166 (Is this healthy? Or am I dying? Note to self: Google this.)

Sound made while running: HEE HAH HEE HAH HEE HAH HEE HAH

Again, baby steps. KTHXBAI.

Random Thoughts on Stress and the Future and Life in General

WARNING: NO CUTE PICTURES IN THIS ANGST-FILLED AND PROBABLY GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT POST

You know how when we're lazy, and our parents and teachers will lecture us and say 'You all don't understand how nice it is to be studying, just wait till you come out and work. Yada yada yada.'
Well as it turns out, they're actually right (don't you hate it when that happens?). This is my 5th month of not studying now and you have no idea how much I miss it.

I miss procrastinating. I miss last minute cramming. I miss sleeping late at night. I miss waking up the next morning at 6am and regretting that I slept so late the last night. I miss being late for school and classes. I miss the homework and assignments. I miss being reprimanded by teachers. I miss skipping classes to do crazy shit. I miss daydreaming. I miss gossiping about our teachers and lecturers. I miss memorizing useless stuff that I'll never be needing again.

But above all I miss my friends. All of them. Even the annoying ones. Because at least they add color into my life.

Now in the office, I barely talk anymore. Everyone here is at least 8 years older than me, and they're always off on their lunch breaks with each other talking about what 30 year olds talk about. The interns that were here previously had already left in March. My bosses are workaholics, and the only conversation I have with them is about work.

For example:

'Hey April, scan this document and email it to me.'

'Okay.'

That's an example of a GOOD day. Documents aren't required to be scanned everyday. On days where there are no documents to scan, I just sit alone, all day and NOT talk. At 9:30 I enter the office, I sit at my desk. I work till 12:30. I go for my lunch break ALONE. I come back at 1:30 and work till 6:30. Then I go back home, to an empty house.

Do you comprehend how miserable I am now? Do you now understand why I miss all those things about school?

I wouldn't mind bearing this torture if I had nothing else on my plate, but as it turns out, my plate is filled with other stuff that a normal 20 year old shouldn't have to worry about.

Don't even get me started on money. Picture this: There's this opportunity, a shining, golden orb that just RADIATES opportunity. And all you have to do was go to that orb thing-y and study there for 2 years, and by the time you came out, your graduation cert would be so widely known and recognized that getting a job with a ridiculously high salary would be no problem at all.

BUT (there's always a but in life), you had to pay to get into the orb. You had to pay A LOT to get into the orb. That's where the problem comes in. Your family just cannot afford the freaking ass ridiculous fees, so the only way to the orb is a scholarship. BUT (there's the but again), only ONE scholarship out of the many, many, many other scholarships out there were applicable to you. Just because you chose something other than engineering or finance. So basically, your entire future, life, career, was to be affected by the decision of this one, single scholarship.

Guys, the orb I was talking about? It's a university. Don't feel bad if you didn't get the hint, I can be overly subtle at times. Anyway, to cut a long crappy story short, if I don't get this scholarship, then the orb is as good as dead to me. As of now, I'm just anxiously waiting day and night for that one single e-mail or that one single phone call telling me I got shortlisted. At least then I have a chance, you know? If not, then I'll have to say bye bye to the expensive orb. See, this is why I said not to get me started on money.

I'm also working two jobs now, one as the miserable intern who has her lunch breaks alone, and another as a freelance article writer. The up side is I don't have to take money from my mum anymore (because she has to pay for the other less expensive orbs and I feel bad for that so I'm trying to support myself). The down side is I'm so freaking tired, every day. Even after I wake up, it's like I never slept at all. The deadlines haunt me, the keyboard mocks me, the tasks daunt me. No, I'm not being overly dramatic, this is, in fact, how I feel.

To add onto everything else! Breaking up is a serious pain in the ass. If I at least had you in my life, then things wouldn't seem so hard. At least there was you to put my life into perspective and get me through the day. BUT NO, of course everything had to hit me all at once. Now I have to go about my day with no one to tell all the little things in my life to, things that other people wouldn't care about, but things that I would tell you anyway.

The only person who was willing to sit through my rants, my tantrums, my ups and downs, my everything, is now gone, ladies and gentlemen. The wall of trust that took nearly a year to break down is now up and stronger than ever. I mean, would I ever allow someone to eat my food again? I hate sharing food, but with you I made an exception. I wasn't mad when you ate my food, even when you took a huge bite...or two huge bites...or even three. More than 3 I would tell you to buzz off and buy your own food, but I was willing to sacrifice UP TO THREE bites. Three HUGE bites. That's saying something for someone who hates sharing food.

But you're gone now.

It's for the best anyway, and I don't love you anymore, but I miss you (if that makes sense?). I just wished that we could at least be friends. But I guess there's a reason why exes aren't friends, because  how does one make the transition? It's impossible.

So is this what 20 year olds go through? Is this what we have to suffer in exchange for legal entrance into casinos and the right to UBAH UBAH? If the answer is yes, then someone please rewind the clock. I want to go back to high school. Ahh, simple times, where my biggest problem was not being able to copy homework in time.

Thank God I still have my friends, and they just about stop me from killing myself (I kid of course, I would never kill myself. I'm way too cowardly). Sorry for being so whiny, and if you actually made it to the end of this post, I hereby award you with a Warrior badge.

Sekian, terima kasih.

My imaginary dog

For years now, I have always wanted a furry friend to call my own. That dream was short lived when my dad got me a German Shepard. I was 10 at that time and insanely happy.

The first task on my list when I got him, was to train him up to be a Champion. The dog of dogs. One dog to rule them all. It seemed simple enough. So the first thing I tried to get him to do was to to answer to his name. I named him Jacky (a stupid name now that I think about it), and for 20 minutes a day, the house was filled with me yelling 'JACKY COME!'

On the 3rd day, he finally responded. I yelled Jacky Come! and he just came running from the backyard. I was 10 at that time and insanely happy. My bubble was burst when I realized Jacky the idiot responded to anything if yelled in that same tone and at that same pitch, ie: Dishwater come!

In fact, it did not even have to be [insert name of object]come. It could be, You-stupid-dog-I-said-dishwater-not-Jacky! and he would still come. Nonetheless, he was a very happy dog, smiling regardless of being praised or being scolded. The house was so much cheerful with him around...

Or so I thought.

I came home one day and called out for dishwater - he didn't respond. My dad told me he had run away. I was 10 at that time and insanely gullible. Either that or my dad was 40 at that time and an insanely good liar (I later found our that he sold dishwater away. =C)

Since that day, my wish for another dog was never fulfilled because my mum was vehemently opposed to animals of any kind. I had no more dog to call my own. Oh, there was this one obese dog at my college apartment which I enjoyed taking pictures of. We named him fluffy. My cousins also had dogs. But only tiny ones.

Fluffy being fluffy

Fluffy being anti-social

Fluffy being shy

But other than that, my interactions with dogs have been limited.

Which is why I decided that at the first chance I get, I am going to own a Border Collie. Why a Border Collie you ask? Because they are the smartest of all dogs, that's why. Also, I will name my Border Collie...

Einstein.

So everyone, meet Einstein.

Einstein

Einstein with glasses

Childhood Diary

I found my childhood diary today. I flipped a few pages to see what profound genius my 10 year old brain was capable of conjuring up at that time. I was pretty disappointed with the contents...turns out I was a pretty un-philosophic child.

No matter.

This diary actually happened to be my primary school homework. I don't know if any of you guys had this, but my primary form teacher made us submit an entry into our fake ass 'diary' every week. Such a breach of privacy...I never got the point of this exercise.

Though incapable of being philosophic, I did however, realize how lazy my 10 year old brain could be. Some entries I found amusing:

今天我跟妈妈去了Fajar*。我们买了很多东西。
(Today I went to Fajar with my mum. We bought many stuffs)

Teacher's comments:
太短！重写！
(Too short! Rewrite this!)

What an ass. Tsk.
*Fajar is a local supermarket

Another entry:
今天学校替我们打针。因为我是第一个打的，全部人都问我痛不痛。我骗他们说非常的痛！过后他们都很害怕，有一两个还哭呢！我觉得很好笑！
(Today was out school's injection day. Because I was the first to get injected, everyone asked me if it was painful. I lied to them that it was extremely painful! After that they got really scared, a few of them even cried. I found that extremely funny!)

Teacher's comments:
不应该骗别的同学！马上跟他道歉！
(You should't lie to the other students! Go apologize to them now!)

And the last entry for now (I should really get back to studying):
今天我的弟弟流鼻血流个不停，过后又肚子痛。半天后他发了高烧。妈妈很着急，带他去了医院。我们在那儿等了三小时多，我觉得我弟弟很烦。
(Today my brother had a nose bleed, the blood just kept flowing. After that, he had stomach pains as well. A while later, he had a super high fever. My mum got so worried, she took him to the hospital. We waited there for 3 hours. My brother is so annoying.)


Teacher's comments:
请见我！
(Come see me!)

Dayum.

Chinese Valentine's Day

Today is 七夕情人节 
In all my 19 years of living, I have no idea why this is the first time I'm hearing about 七夕情人节. 
I have totally no idea what it's about, no idea at all. So I forced Xiang Ni to tell me the story...in English. Why? Because she keeps on nagging me lately to converse with her in only English so that her English will improve. She asked for it.

And so the story begins in Skype. (I translated the Hokkien words into English.)

[12:19:20 PM] April Melody Tan: Faster la. What is  七夕情人节?
[12:20:30 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: Cowherd and Weaver Girl
[12:20:32 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: hahahah
[12:20:36 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: u know who bo?

[12:20:36 PM] April Melody Tan: wth? no -.-

[12:20:45 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: Weaver Girl

[12:21:08 PM] April Melody Tan: u explained nothing

[12:21:21 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: is the grandaughter of the king

[12:21:27 PM] April Melody Tan: king of where?

[12:21:38 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: 玉皇大帝

[12:21:44 PM] April Melody Tan: IN ENGLISH

[12:22:01 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: ahh
[12:22:04 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: god of heaven
[12:22:05 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: hahahhaha

[12:22:11 PM] April Melody Tan: oh okay
[12:22:12 PM] April Melody Tan: hahha
[12:22:15 PM] April Melody Tan: continue

[12:22:18 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: then
[12:22:29 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: god of heaven got a lot of cows
[12:22:47 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: then cowherd take care of them

[12:22:57 PM] April Melody Tan: why he want cows?
[12:23:06 PM] April Melody Tan: why god of heaven take care of cows one??

[12:23:08 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: idk wor. they didnt say
[12:23:11 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: no la

[12:23:13 PM] April Melody Tan: he god of heaven got nothing else more important to do meh?
[12:23:17 PM] April Melody Tan: he like cows?
[12:23:23 PM] April Melody Tan: he want drink milk?
[12:23:29 PM] April Melody Tan: he want eat triple cheeseburger?

[12:23:30 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: he hire cowherd to take care of them

[12:23:39 PM] April Melody Tan: but why cows?
[12:23:45 PM] April Melody Tan: ok continue
[12:23:56 PM] April Melody Tan: if he eat the cows
[12:24:02 PM] April Melody Tan: guan yin sure angry him one (Btw, I still don't know why Buddhists aren't allowed to eat beef. Can anyone explain this to me?)

[12:24:39 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: then weaver girl in charge of weaving

[12:24:45 PM] April Melody Tan: weaving what
[12:24:45 PM] April Melody Tan: ?

[12:24:48 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: erm
[12:24:50 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: silk?

[12:24:54 PM] April Melody Tan: for the cows!?

[12:24:57 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: no!!
[12:25:02 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: idk for who
[12:25:05 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: they didnt say
[12:25:10 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: LISTEN FIRST LA !!

[12:25:12 PM] April Melody Tan: ok.

[12:25:17 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: shh!
[12:25:21 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: there is 2 version
[12:25:23 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: first is
[12:26:15 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: the niu lang was just a normal human being who lived in a farm and take care of cattles. then another one is niu lang was 'hired' by the god of heaven take care of the cattles in heaven'
[12:26:16 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: hahaha
[12:26:29 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: niu lang is that cowherd
[12:26:32 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: 牛郎
[12:26:36 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: then then
[12:26:58 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: weaver girl is grandaughter of god lorh

[12:26:58 PM] April Melody Tan: hor u copy paste

[12:27:01 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: NO LA
[12:27:03 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: i type eh kay!

[12:27:04 PM] April Melody Tan: takan suddenly cows become cattles

[12:27:09 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: HAHAHAHHA
[12:27:14 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: i saw from wiki ma
[12:27:18 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: they write cattle ma

[12:27:21 PM] April Melody Tan: hanlah hanlah hanlah
[12:27:24 PM] April Melody Tan: continue la

[12:27:26 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: then
[12:27:33 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: weaver girl is zhi nv lorh
[12:27:36 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: 织女
[12:27:39 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: then
[12:27:44 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: first version
[12:28:05 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: she secretly came to earth then in love with niu lang
[12:28:07 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: 2nd
[12:28:14 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: she in love with niu lang in heaven

[12:28:15 PM] April Melody Tan: hiao jeng (Promiscuous. LOL)

[12:28:21 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: OI

[12:28:23 PM] April Melody Tan: wht?

[12:28:26 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: mai aneh insult my gods
[12:28:26 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: hahahhaa

[12:28:31 PM] April Melody Tan: they're gods?!

[12:28:34 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: DUH

[12:28:36 PM] April Melody Tan: oops..haha. nolah i insult the first version one..the normal human nia one.

[12:28:44 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: then
[12:29:21 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: then the god of heaven knew abt it bcz that niu lang and zhi nv didnt do their work properly coz they everyday sweet sweet nia
[12:29:41 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: then He angry lorh

[12:29:50 PM] April Melody Tan: then?

[12:30:14 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: then

[12:30:19 PM] April Melody Tan: the whole kingdom suddenly no more cattle and silk hor?

[12:30:24 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: got one god name

[12:30:33 PM] April Melody Tan: uh huh
[12:30:35 PM] April Melody Tan: ??
[12:30:42 PM] April Melody Tan: ????
[12:30:45 PM] April Melody Tan: ??????

[12:30:46 PM] Toh Xiang Ni:  magpies
[12:30:56 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: 喜鹊

[12:30:57 PM] April Melody Tan: Hahhaha!! Magpie!! your god is a bird?!

[12:31:02 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: dunoe la
[12:31:07 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: he pass wrong the msg

[12:31:10 PM] April Melody Tan: oh
[12:31:11 PM] April Melody Tan: okay
[12:31:15 PM] April Melody Tan: what msg?!
[12:31:21 PM] April Melody Tan: WHAT MSG?!

[12:31:22 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: god ask him go tell them that they can meet only once per week
[12:31:31 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: manatau he go and tell them they can meet everyday

[12:31:47 PM] April Melody Tan: stupid magpie
[12:31:53 PM] April Melody Tan: are you sure that is a god or just a normal bird?

[12:31:52 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: god of heaven ma super angry lorh

[12:32:00 PM] April Melody Tan: god of heaven always angy eh
[12:32:03 PM] April Melody Tan: *angry

[12:32:17 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: so he separated them
[12:32:22 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: into 2 different places

[12:32:23 PM] April Melody Tan: not their fault also!

[12:32:28 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: can meet only once a year

[12:32:40 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: bcz of 喜鹊 pass wrong the msg ma
[12:33:05 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: they can meet at every 7th of july

[12:33:08 PM] April Melody Tan: owhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[12:33:12 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: so
[12:33:24 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: 喜鹊 have to build a bridge for them to meet

[12:33:28 PM] April Melody Tan: eng gai

[12:33:34 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: in order to punish him coz he pas wrong sg
[12:33:36 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: msg*

THE END.

And so that was how I knew about the story. In the end she copied and pasted the story she saw from wikipedia. So for those of you who had no idea what she was saying, read the wikipedia version. Haha.

[12:33:49 PM] Toh Xiang Ni: In late summer, two bright stars can be seen on opposite sides of the Milky Way. These stars are Altair ("the cowherd", Niulang) and Vega ("the weaver girl", Zhinü). The following story is told about the two:
Long, long ago, there was an honest and kind-hearted fellow named Niulang (Cowherd). His parents died when he was a child. Later, he was driven out of his home by his sister-in-law. So he lived by himself herding cattle and farming. One day, a fairy from heaven named Zhinü (Weaver Girl) fell in love with him. She secretly came down to earth and married him. Niulang farmed in the field and Zhinü wove at home. They lived a happy life and gave birth to a boy and a girl. Unfortunately, the God of Heaven soon found this out and ordered the Queen Mother of the Western Heavens to bring Zhinü back.
With the help of celestial cattle, Niulang flew to heaven with his son and daughter. When he was about to catch up with his wife, the Queen Mother took off one of her gold hairpins and scratched a river in the sky to separate the lovers. Niulang and Zhinü have been separated on the two banks ever since. Once a year all of the magpies in the world come to build a bridge for Niulang and Zhinü to meet each other. This meeting happens on the 7th day of the 7th lunar month. Because of this, their meeting is called "Qi Xi" (Double Seventh).

Somehow the words 'Celestial cattle' and 'All the magpies in the world' humor me a lot. Hahaha.

Not feeling very sexy today

Hello! As you can see from the post title, I am not feeling my normal, sexy self today.

First, I'm feeling really confused about something. It's more of a personal issue, which I assume I will get over really quickly, due to my tendency of suppressing confusing feelings till they eventually numb and ebb away. 

Secondly, none of my friends are free today. Why? Because they are out busy having a life -- a big contrast when compared to me sitting here, watching cat videos, thinking about how much I hate cats.

Third, I am down with the flu. Which is sad because I really hate the flu. I'd rather choose fevers or coughs or sore throats or all 3 combined any day. Flu makes your nose stuffy and inhibits your ability to breathe like a normal human. Any attempts in obtaining the very crucial oxygen needed for the continuity of life is mocked at by my stuffy nose.

My lungs are like,
Nose! I need air!

And my nose is like,
No.

=(

Finally (and I did not realize this till the beginning of this post), my keyboard is really annoying me. Some letters just refuse to cooperate when typed. My keyboard is approximately 2 weeks old so really, this shouldn't be happening. Writing is what I do when I'm down, so the keyboard is really killing my buzz. Infidel keyboard!

The song 'Call Me Maybe' annoys me too. But here,

I liked how they arranged this song because they limited the annoying part of 'call me maybe' to one paragraph. Actually she does repeat the chorus later in the song, but it's sort of overpowered by the payphone part (not really), so yay!

In a nutshell,