What do you do when you see the Agong?

A typical journey from my hostel to the jetty takes 45 minutes.

On Friday, I booked my 1.30pm bus ticket online from Butterworth to Kamunting. My class ended at 10:00am, so I actually had lots of time to get to the jetty.

But things seldom go my way. (Mostly due to lack of planning, but to boost my self-esteem, lets call this lack of planning 'spontaneous-ity' shall we?) And on Friday, things indeed did not go my way.

So after class, we went for lunch as is our tradition. There's nothing much to do except eat after class. Well, studying is an option, but meh.

And so our story begins.

We all headed down to the car park, because where else would one park a car? Anywhere nearest possible to an entrance apparently, because in INTI there is serious lack of space. Like, SERIOUSLY. If not for double parking at every lot, most of the car owners would not have any parking space at all. Not surprising then that during random hours of the day, the PA system would come on and say

"Paging for car owner bla bla bla random number random number random number, please move your car immedietly. I repeat, paging for car owner..."

So anyways, we got into the car and our driver, Mr.Finsen Ong, started the car but neglected to buckle on his seatbelt. Irresponsible driver! Oh please don't get me started on the scariness of his driving. It is uncountable the times we almost passed away in his car. However, he is currently the ONLY person with a car among our circle of friends, so really we have no choice. Damn I totally made friends with the wrong people.

Oh! Stepheny has a car too, but her car is currently in the hospital. Where Finsen drives with speed, Stepheny overtakes. Seriously, entering their car is like signing a death contract. Lines on the road mean nothing to Steph. To her, its like art..the lines are modern art.

Where was I? Oh yes, Finsen did not put on his seatbelt. And so Isaura says,

"Yorr, why you never put on your seatbelt? Later sure got police one."


No sooner had she said this than a gang of police was waiting right at the corner. What coincidence! But then someone said that the police was there because of the Agung. It was rumored that he was going to grace us with his presence in Penang. Frankly, I couldn't care less where the Agung placed his presence, so as long as those police weren't traffic police and we weren't getting saman-ed, I was happy.

And so we went to Genting cafe in Penang, and it was there that I had the best non-Hong Kong styled Chee Cheong Fan in my life! Awesome Chee Cheong Fan people! I should text the Agung and let him know of this place!

After that, I was dropped off at a bus stop. According to Finsen and my uncle, this road was the main road. In fact, the road is so main that all buses should pass by this road. The rest went off to get cake for a surprise birthday party which sadly, I couldn't attend because I was facing bankruptcy. I had only RM3 in my wallet. Spit broke I was. Sad. =(

30 minutes later

I was still at the bus stop. I was getting fidgety. Usually, even at non-main road bus stops, some buses would have passed by by now. It has been half an hour and ZERO Rapids have passed by. There was something wrong. Very wrong.

I got up to pace my nervousness away. In the end, I decided to walk further up to find a new bus stop in hope that more buses passed by that one.

Every few steps or so, I would turn around to check if there were any rapids coming. There were none. And so I continued walking. I walked and walked. I turned and turned. I walked and turned. I turned and walked.
In the end I reached a second bus stop, and I sat there. Though what difference that made I have no idea because I was still on the same stretch of road.

One thing though I noticed was that on the other side of the road, there were actually a few Rapids passing by. Although I knew that none of them would reach the jetty because they were moving in the other direction, I decided to give it a try anyway. Wrong rapids are better than no rapids.

So after sitting at the 2nd bus stop for 10minutes, I decided to cross the road. Further up the road was a flyover, and I walked towards it.

Bear in mind that I was already tired by then. The distance between the first bus stop and second bus stop wasn't near at all. And now I had to walk from the second bus stop to the flyover, which wasn't near too. I mean, it wasn't that far, but it wasn't near either. And I was carrying my backpack all over the place. Due to the lack of exercise, I consider this a full body workout.

Naturally, I was sad to see all the stairs leading up to the flyover. Sigh. I climbed all the way up, sidestepping a beggar on the way. I reached the top and walked across to the other side, side stepping another beggar as well. Why do the beggars sit here anyway? Rich people do not use flyovers!

As soon as I reached the other side, a rapid showed up. Of course it didn't go to the jetty. I already knew that before I crossed the road. Why did I even bother then?

I looked at the time, it was already 12:45pm! Gasp! I still had to take a ferry across to Butterworth before I could catch my 1:30pm bus! Desperate times called for desperate measures, I needed transport badly. Hence the phone was brought out and my cousin's number was dialled.

"Hello? Sher Lynn, where are you?"


"In the bus lor..almost reaching KL already. Why?" 


"Argh!"


*click*

I called cousin number two.

"Hello, Yen Lynn, are you free now?"


"Nope, I'm working. Why?"


"Argh! I need transport to the jetty to catch my bus."


"Oh okay, you can try calling my dad and see."


"Okay okay." 


*click*

So I called my uncle next. I feel kinda bad because everybody was working. I told my uncle my location, and he said okay, he was going to pick me up at BHP petrol station. After hanging up the phone, I started looking for it.

And when I saw the outline of the building I almost fainted. It was SO FAR AWAY!



I wished it could be here, but no.

I hoped this was the furthest the petrol station would be, but no.

Nooooo. It had to be far far far away.

It was on the other side of the road, and located about a few hundred metres in front of the FIRST bus stop. Ah well, what did I expect. Things like that happen to me all the time. I was resigned to my fate. So I began walking towards the petrol station and only planned to cross the road when I got there.

Bad, bad decision.

By the time I got ALL THE WAY THERE,  I realized that crossing the road was impossible because of all the CARS. I mean, what's up with that?! CARPOOL PEOPLE! 


I spent the next 5 minutes trying to cross the road in vain before I realized my efforts were futile. I began my walk of shame ALL THE WAY BACK to the flyover. By then, I realized my uncle would reach the petrol station before me if I didn't hurry up now because I still had a long way to go. Fuelled by this thought, I started jogging.

To add on to that, the heat was so oppressive. I was getting impatient and irritated. It's hard to remain cheerful after all these obstacles, no? Don't judge me I'm only human!

So back to the jogging. I jogged all the way back to the flyover, up the stairs, jumped over the beggars and got back to the other side of the road. Then I began my journey back to the BHP station.

However, as I walked, I noticed something was not right. Wondering what it was, I looked up, and noticed that there were no cars! Strange. The whole road was free of cars. Just as I was wondering what was up, a whole gang of policemen in motorcycles appeared in the distance, riding in a V formation.You know, like when geese migrate or something, they fly in a V shape. That was exactly the shape of the formation.

Behind the policemen/geese people, were another 2 cars. Both were heavily tinted, the windows were so black you couldn't see through at all. Behind these cars were another 2 motorcycles. It was then that it occurred to me: It was the Agung!

I was so freaking annoyed at this revelation. It was the Agung that caused the lack of Rapids, caused me to walk all over the place and caused me to miss my bus! I mean I respect the Agung and all, but does he really need the whole road? Absurd! Before I could properly processed my thoughts, I heard a helicopter flying overhead. And I was like, the Agung needs a helicopter? SERIOUSLY?!

By then, the whole armada had reached where I was walking. As they passed by, I looked impatiently at them. They were actually so close I could have tapped on the window if I wanted to. But no, I needed to get to the petrol station.

To cut a already very long story short, I missed my bus and everything. And to add on to that, I had to borrow money from my uncle because I had no more money to buy my bus ticket. Completely broke.

As I was relating this story to my friend, he actually gasped out loud.

"Why? What?"


"Oh my goodness, I can't belive it."


"What what? Believe what? You're scaring me!"


"When the Agung passes by, you're supposed to stand up straight! Not continue walking and glaring at the Agung!"


"I wasn't glaring, I was just looking at him impatiently."


"You shouldn't even have been at the side of the road! There must be nothing at the side of the road out of respect for the Agung! You had to hide! Even cats have to be removed!"


Now I really don't know how much of what my friend said was true. But now that I come to think of it, the sidewalk was unnaturally empty. Prior to this, it was full of people. But really, after hearing what my friend said, I was laughing about it the whole day.

Just imagine, the Agung passes by and I have to hide behind a tree. What the heck? LOL.

And then compare that to what actually happened, that was me half-glaring at the Agung's car.

Now after I have taken my bath and cooled down, I begin to process information more rationally, and I concluded that nothing my friend said could possibly be true. I mean, even cats have to be removed? Animal cruelty much. And then to think that, after going through the trouble of killing all the cats along the road, the Agung might actually be sleeping in the car and saw nothing of the outside world, what a waste.

Oh well. It's things like these that makes life interesting.

On a side note: I'm featured as blogger of the week on Digi Woww Awards! Cool huh! XD

FYI: I'm the witty 17 year old perakian!
FFYI: I'm actually 18 this year.
FFFYI: And I was actually born in Pahang.

But other than that, YAY!

Goodbye Tiger. Rawr!

Rawr means see you soon in Tiger. 

Well I don't actually know what it means. But that's the only thing I ever hear tigers say, so I guess it means a couple of hundred other things. Including see you soon. No one really knows. Unless you're some sub species of tiger.

??


Ah well. 2010 has ended. And I know many people will sum up their 365 days in a single post. Well I can't do that.

Firstly because my life is too colourful. HA!

Secondly because I don't have that good a memory. Which makes me skeptical as to how Ted from How I Met Your Mother can remember every single person he met since college. In fact if you asked me what I had for lunch, I honestly couldn't tell you. I doubt you can too. Haha.

What did YOU have for lunch?

Oh you remembered? Fine.

What did you have for BREAKFAST? Ha!

And so we say goodbye to the year of the Tiger. Which happens to be my favourite animal from the zodiac. No wait, I forgot about the horses.

Rephrase: Tigers AND the horses.

But since it's the year of the Tiger, let's just stick to the awesome-ness of Tigers. And why not? Tigers are awesome. Or maybe the rest of the other animals are just lame. No offense to the non-Tigers.

I'm not a Tiger myself. I happen to be a Chicken. Just look at the difference. Tigers and Chickens. Chickens are SO way down the food chain that I don't even know how to connect the two. Just for the heck of it, I'll give it a go.

The above food chain is based on the theory that Tigers eat humans. Tigers do eat humans don't they? Anyway I'm sure I can proof Colonel Sanders died from a tiger attack somewhere.

And I heard that some people eat Tigers penises. Which is ridiculous by the way. It's cruel and inhumane and despicable and some other bombastic sounding word meaning BAD. What do they eat it for anyway? To grow another penis? What's the use of that?

Meh. At least we chickens taste better. We be finger licking good mon! Can't imagine someone, anyone, licking their fingers after having some Tiger penis. Yuck.

Ok enough of the P word. Let's talk about the history of Tigers. I'll give you a brief history about them.

Tigers were around since the beginning of time in the form of rocks.

They eventually evolved into various forms of algae, which would form the various species of tigers as we know of today.

The algae-tigers soon grew bored of swimming in ponds all day long and decided to go on land. They held it to a vote, and the general population agreed. They grew legs within a week and were soon roaming the earth.

Unfortunately for them, dinosaurs soon started dropping out of the sky. The dinos were a violent species, and were swallowing the algae-Tigers left and right. The population was dwindling.

The alpha algae-tiger decided it was time to evolve before the whole species got extinct. Being the ever obedient society, they did. And that was how tigers came to be. Since Tigers are so awesome, I just had to sprinkle them with magical dust. Awesome dust if you will.

From that day on, the Tigers no longer feared the dinosaurs. In fact, they ate the dinosaurs. And that's how the dinosaurs got extinct. Since then, the Tiger population flourished and were never in danger of being extinct again.

Guinness Book of World Records 2011 declared that Tigers are in the least danger of being extinct and are one of the most abundant species in the world.

(This is what happens when one is lazy to move one's hand over to the mouse and google the word Tiger.)

On a side note, I have no idea why I drew the tiger with only 3 legs. And no ears.

Anyway, it's the year of the Rabbit now. No use reminiscing about Tigers anymore. Shoo, Tigers. Come back in 12 years.

And I have absolutely no comments about Rabbits. They don't really play a big role in anything. I know there's Rabbit Satay, but eww! And hey, we chickens RULE at satay! Boo-Yah! We are so rocking the food world!

Before bidding 2010 goodbye, let me try to think hard and grab at some random flashes of memory.

Ooh. Guess what! I remembered what I had for lunch!

Ah wait, no. That was dinner.

Hmm. Well, one thing I'll never forget are my friends. (Unless I become a celebrity that is. Or maybe if I get amnesia. Or Alzheimer's.)

Haha. You'll never know. Ah I have awesome friends. We were fated to meet. Never again will I find another bunch of jungle people such as these. And even though I got hurt by some of them during the year, for reasons still VERY unclear to me,  at least I learnt how not to bear grudges. Bittersweet thing I guess. We're cool now though. It's all cool.

And the best thing was I made so many new friends. Especially the ones sitting around me. You know who you are.

Also, I had an accident and didn't die. Thank Heavens! Some one up there is taking gooooood care of me.

What else? Oh. SPM is over of course. No more Sejarah FOREVER. Yes, it's been a good year. =D

And what would a new year be without a new year's resolution?

New Year's Resolution:

• Stop writing 2010 as the current date.
• Blog something positive about the Rabbit.
• Google Tiger. 
• Draw a 4 legged Tiger.
• With ears. 

Yeah that's all I can think of for now. I'm so sleepy and my eyeballs are drying up. I may have been sleep-blogging for all I know.

Before I go, I wanna officially welcome Rabbit version 2011. Boink! We should all follow the rabbit's good example of eating carrots. It's healthy and good for your heart..and..stuff.

Update of NYR:

• Stop writing 2010 as the current date.
• Blog something positive about the Rabbit.
• Google Tiger. 
• Draw a 4 legged Tiger.
• With ears. 
• Buy carrots.

Ok this is definitely me sleep-blogging.

Goodnight and Happy New Year!

The Impossible

I never thought the day would come. The day where I would voluntarily get into a dress.

It was for Interact Installation. Anyway, my friend made a good point. She said if I didn't go, I would be the only one who has never attended a formal event. Which kinda sucks. I so don't want to be left out. It's not cool.

Maybe years later, my friends would be all,

'Hey, remember the time we were in formal wear?'

And the others would be like,

'Oh, yeah, yeah! That was fun!'

And I would be like,

'No...' =(

So came the impulsive decision. The first step was to tell my mum. Which I thought would be kinda tricky. I'm like unofficially grounded or something. Mana tau...in the end she so happy sampai drag me all over Taiping to find the dress. What a waste of time fretting about it. I guess she was just glad that I finally wore a dress.

I know this because she said,

'Finally, you wear a dress.' 

And my dad too. Though he didn't really know what was up. He just saw my status on facebook and over-hyped himself. I should really use this to my advantage. I see a car in the near future. Heh Heh.

(Click here to see the drama queen in action.)

So my mum took me to go dress hunting. I was cringing internally through the whole process. Even now, every time I time I type the word 'dress', I shiver. Seriously. Look.

Dress.

*shivers*

See?

Since I have virtually zero experience in this, I had no choice but to have faith in my mum's taste. Yes, that's how inexperienced I am. The event was at night and I was buying the dress *shivers* in the afternoon. The only other person I had contact with on such short notice was my younger brother. It would be highly illogical to ask him instead of my mum. Highly, highly, illogical.

So basically, my mum dragged me to all these shops or boutiques and picked out dresses for me. I just stood at the corner waiting, intimidated by all the clothes. Then, my mum would throw a pile of dresses at me and told me to go try them on.

This is the part that made me blurr. BLURR.

So I went into the fitting room, (DUH). Changing outside for the world to see would be so degrading...and in Malaysia, possibly illegal. But the fitting rooms aren't that great either. They basically just consist of 3 very unstable wall-like things and a flimsy curtain. I have never felt more insecure.
What if a huge gust of wind suddenly blew the curtains apart?

Damn the tiny boutiques.

So next I look at the pile of clothes. I don't know which one to try on first. This is such a bad idea. I sigh and get on with it anyway. I closed my eyes and pulled one out at random.

And I pulled out a purple dress.

And I thought to myself, 'Right. I'll just put this on and get it over with.'

And then I realised...I didn't know how to put in on. Lame, I know! But these things are actually very complicated! I was searching everywhere for zippers and buttons...in vain I must add. There were none. Zero. Nil. Zilch.

Without the very vital zippers/buttons, how was I supposed to put the damn thing on?! See...this is what happens when all you wear all T-shirts and jeans.

In the end, I concluded that the only way to put it on was to pull it over my head. I simply could not find any other alternate way of wearing it. So I pulled it on...and I couldn't go any further. I only got my neck through.

So, slowly, I tried putting the right arm through first. That failed. Then I tried with my left arm, which failed too. Then I tried it with both arms simultaneously. I don't know why I did that. If I couldn't get ONE arm through, what makes me think that I can get BOTH arms through?

I must have been in there for at least 5 minutes trying to put in on. In the end, I managed to force my way into it. Thank God.

It was then that I saw myself in the mirror. IT WAS HORRIFYING! I looked like a freaking transsexual. Well, maybe not to the untrained eye, but I don't remember ever seeing myself wearing a dress and suddenly...formal wear? Whoa! Baby steps!

Then my mum impatiently said,

'Quickly come out and let me see how you look.'


'Uhh...I'd rather not. I look weird. I'l just try on the next one.'

'What! Let me see first lah!'


And then she yanked open the curtain. And then she laughed. Erghhh.

'I told you I looked weird!'


Insulted, I pulled back the curtains with more force than necessary. This is so SO out of my comfort zone. Outside, I heard my mum telling me to try on the next one. And then I groaned. Oh God...I forgot there were more.

And this is where the weird part comes in. Taking it off was actually ten times harder than putting it on.

I pulled and I yanked and I squirmed and I squeezed but to no avail. It just refused to come off. At the same time, I was afraid the dress would be ripped apart from the force or something. But in the end, I decided to just pull it off with one swift motion. If it refused to come off, I'll just continue pulling it until it does. That was my strategy.

Poorly planned, terribly executed. 

The motion of pulling was what nobody would ever relate to as 'swift'. It was more towards 'klutzy'. And the time when I said I was going to continue pulling until it came off? Yeah, I petty much stopped that when I heard a noise which sounded alarmingly ripp-y-ish.

In the end, I got stuck with one arm out around my head, permanently fixated at that angle. The other was still inside squashed awkwardly, bent like a chicken wing. It looked so much like a chicken wing that it made me want to cry. Why was I looking like a crippled chicken? I was supposed to be miraculously awesome-looking. No...I wanted the opposite of this. =(

Moving on, because of the arm that stuck out, there wasn't much place left for my neck. The result, it got bent at this weird, painful angle. Perpendicularly 90 degrees to my arm. Ouch. I looked like a yoga master...a yogi if you will.

So all in all, yes people. I got stuck.

After accepting the fact that I couldn't move even ONE more centimeter, I decided the only thing left to do was to call for help. Which was so embarrassing. I'm freaking 17 years old and I can't take off a dress. Well, Kudos to me. Trying not to let the sales girl hear (humiliating much), I whispered to my mum telling her I couldn't take it off.

And my mum was so clueless! I was like,

'Mummy...mummy..!'


'What?'


'I have a problem...'


'Huh? I can't hear you. What did you say again?'


'I can't take it off...'


'You what? 


'Shhh! Not so loud! I said..I can't...take it...off!'


'Eh? Wear finish already is it? Then come out and let me see!'


And then she freaking pulls open the curtain.

I gasped. I was like, half-naked trying to take off the damn thing. My semi-nakedness was opened for the world to see. And the fitting room was so small, there were only so many places to hide. I was fervently trying to hop out of view. Yes, hop. Remember, my pose at that time wasn't optimum for escaping.

Boy was I mad.

'Whey! Close the curtain!'


'I thought you said you finished changing already.'


'NOOO. I said I couldn't take it off! How does that even remotely sound like: 


I'm done and not semi-naked! You may now open the curtains and reveal my fully-clothed body for the world to see?!' 


'How would I know what you were mumbling about? And why are you taking so long?'


'I'm stuck.'


'Stuck? How did you manage to do that?'


'I don't know okay. Will you please help me take it off now?'


'You didn't unzip or unbutton is it?'


'NO. I searched through the whole dress. There ARE no zips or buttons.'


And so with our combined efforts, we pulled and yanked and squirmed and squeezed again. It took so long, even my mum was starting to get worried. The time taken definitely passed the five-minute mark. And finally, just when we were both at our wits end, the dress came off. PHEW.

I chased my mum out and gratefully put my own clothes back on. Ahh. The comfort of T-shirts and jeans. I decided not to try any more dresses there. Partly because I was traumatized, but mostly I was so embarrassed. The whole shop heard the whole commotion. Just as I was about to come out, I noticed something on the dress.

It was a zip.

I could not believe my eyes. How did I miss that?! Upon further investigation,I realized it was one of those hidden zippers that cannot be seen from the outside. Now who would go and invent something stupid like that?! Stupid advanced zipper technology.

Designers these days. Now if I were a designer, my designs would be chic, simple, sexy, yet elegant at the same time. Something that designers all over the world have failed to produce in recent years. I would be rich and famous with the likes of Beyonce ordering a gown months in advance and burn money for fun. Oh, and it would have millions of zippers all over the place.

Examples of gowns I would design:

The Deep 'V'.
Specialty: The deep 'V' cuts all the way down across your stomach and ends just an inch above your...you now where. So ladies, be sure to clean your belly button before wearing this beauty.

The Deep 'U'
Specialty: For the more daring ones who think that the deep 'V' is way too conservative, then the deep 'U' is the right dress for you! This dress boasts a plunging neckline...very plunging indeed. The best thing about this dress? No need for belly-button cleaning!

Infiniti.

More to come..the deep 'O's', the deep 'W's'...and many more dresses will be added to this exciting collection!

Well, there is an ending to the story. I got sidetracked. Finally at the seventh shop, my mum found a dress that didn't make me look like a gorilla. And the shoes! She kept insisting that I wear heels! I told her the dress was my limit and I couldn't take in anymore. It was too overwhelming. But my mum kept on saying that if I didn't wear heels, then I wouldn't look nice in the dress. And I said something along the lines of yeah right. Everyone looks at my shoes.

Fast forward a few hours later, and I'm getting ready for this thing. I really had no patience for this dress thing, and I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself impatiently. I had my hands on my hips and all that. My mum walked by and she gasped when she saw me.

'That is so unlady-like!'

And then she spent the next 30 minutes teaching me how to walk properly. LAME!

I'll continue this another day...possibly after SPM. I'm too damn lazy. Haha. Goodbye people!

A normal day in my life

I'm just going to type whatever I feel like typing today. I'm bored. Contrary to popular believe, weird things don't happen to me everyday. I have nothing better to do anyway. My mum told me to study and I was like, HELLLL NO. Well, Here I go.

So my mum dragged me out of bed at 6.15 am today.

My mum was all 'Wake up!'

And I was all 'Uhh..Mmhm...'

And my mum was like 'Quickly, you're late! It's 7 already!'


I don't know why I fall for this every time. She has been using it for the past few days. Maybe I'm still not fully functioning in the morning. Ah well, It works anyway.

I jumped out of bed. Not jumped. Rolled, maybe. Then I went to brush my teeth but the Colgate was almost finishing. Being the ever lazy me, I was reluctant to walk the 3 steps to the drawer outside to grab a new tube. Instead, I decided to squeeze and  force the toothpaste out, injuring my hand in the process.

In the end, I only managed to squeeze out a little toothpaste. Like, 1/10 of my normal amount. I looked at it and I was like, Meh. Better than nothing. So I proceeded to brush my teeth. 5seconds later, the toothpaste was all gone. I was brushing my teeth with a toothbrush without toothpaste. And it actually hurts.

Halfway through, I was bleeding all over my mouth. And I was STILL to lazy to get new toothpaste. There is something very wrong with me.

.Keep bleeding...keep keep bleeding...

After valiantly swallowing all my blood, I went to take my bath. You know, it's morning, it's cold. Of course you're gonna use hot water. Who doesn't? So like always, I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, expecting hot water to come out because that's what happens every morning. I assumed today would be no different. I mean, why would I doubt the heater? It has never betrayed me before.

But anyway, being the ever trusting me, I turned it on without checking. And then this HUGE jet of FREAKING ICY cold water exploded out from the shower. I swear, the water was especially huge and especially cold and especially wet (if that's possible). The heater was mocking me. And the water drenched my poor, vulnerable, heat-intolerant body from head to toe. After that, I was dancing sakai dance all over the bathroom for 5 minutes straight.

.I look like a spider. =D

Fast forward a few steps. I'm in the middle of buttoning my shirt when I notice that one button was missing. Where did it go? Guess I'll never know. Fast forward a little bit more, and I'm eating breakfast. I had Cheerios. In fact, I have been having Cheerios for the past few months. I'm on a major Cheerios binge, and I'm eating Cheerios like it's my job. Being the ever hungry me, I was sad to find out that my Cheerios supply was running low. Only 4 more boxes left in the cupboard. Hmm. I must remind my mum to stock up later. 

I'm in school now. No, don't ask me how I got here and how I got here so fast. I'm too damn lazy to type out the journey. So just imagine I flew here or something. Anyway, today is the day before Hari Kemerdekaan, where 53 years ago, some now-alredy-dead-people went to London for a holiday, and then came back yelling Merdeka all over the place. 

Nobody knows the exact reason for all that yelling. Maybe London had great alcohol....or awesome crack. I also seem to remember that they yelled 'Unity for all!'. And so that is how Hari Kemerdekaan came about, to remember the multi-racial drunk/high dudes who were yelling in the middle of the streets. 

To pay homage to these people, our school held the lamest, most un-patriotic celebration ever. We were given a reusable Jalur Gemilang each. After ensuring that we all had flags in our hands, we were deemed patriotic enough to kick off this thing. We sang NegaraKu, like always. And then we sang our school song. Weirdddd. 

And then came the worst part. We had to listen to these lame lame lame speeches written by some parliament dude. And it WAS NOT a speech. It was a NOVEL. And I don't think it was only ONE speech. I think there were THREE. I can't be sure...I wasn't listening. By the time the novels were over with, the sun was being all happy and shining all over the place. 

But seriously, the sun was extra hot today. So I actually was thanking God for the cold shower just now. Maybe it was Independence day or whatever, the sun was just really really very...uhh...trying to prove its sun-liness. 

. A side of the sun you never knew.

What else? Oh..we decided to climb Bukit Larut tomorrow, so good luck to us.

Random words of wisdom.

You know, I'm 17. I have gathered much knowledge during that time. I have LOTS of interesting wisdom quotes, and I would like to share it with you. Unfortunately though, I don't jot them down. So yeah, I can't actually remember any of them. My bad. But don't worry, I won't disappoint you. I'll come up with one right now.

See how legit my advice is? Do you trust me now? Now my second advice to you is:

DO NOT EAT CHOCOALTE CHIPS OFF THE FLOOR

This is an important one! Do not eat chocolate chips off the floor. And I'm serious. I don't joke. In fact, I never joke. I know it's delicious and all, and you don't want it to go to waste, but seriously. To ground this piece of wisdom into you, I'm gonna repeat it again.


DO NOT eat chocolate chips...
or chocolate cookie crumbs...
or oreo crumbs...
or any other brownish/black looking thing off the floor.

I'll explain.

Say you're eating an especially awesome tasting Oreo. (Pfft..what am I saying? All Oreos are equally awesome.) Suddenly, the cookie drops and crumbs are all over the floor. Maybe it slipped from your hand, maybe a gust of wind came by and blew the cookie onto the floor, maybe you misjudged your biting strength and the oreo just flew away from the sheer force.

Well whatever the reason, crumbs are all over the place. It'd be such a mess to clean and you don't want to let the Oreos go to waste. What do you do? I'm thinking most of us would probably get down on the floor and start eating the crumbs, right?

I mean, the floor's clean. It's your own house dude.

So imagine yourself locating all the crumbs and picking up all the crumbs and eating all the crumbs. And you'd be like, 'Oh, there's another one...and another one...and another one...damn, how much did I drop?'

But here my friend, is where things can go horribly wrong. Look at what happens.

Yeah, I spell crumbzzzz with the z's. I'm just gangstah like that. 

Following the cookie trail like a treasure hunt

end of trial?

Apparently not.

Continuing the trial. 

See what I mean?

Now there are two groups of people in the world.

One group eats stuff that has fallen on the floor.

The other group says, 'Ewww, you eat stuff that has fallen on the floor?!'

Now, the first group can be further divided into sub-categories. One eats stuff that has fallen off the floor depending on where it has fallen. The other eats the stuff no matter where it lands. To this group, I salute you. Take a look at this chart to get a clearer picture.

Note: I'm sorry the picture couldn't go any larger. I was so bummed. It took me so long to do and then I just couldn't enlarge it. I tried scaling it and stuff but it just got all pixelated. Bummer. =(

So anyway, if you have superhuman eyesight, you can try looking at it. I have to warn you, it's lame.

Near Death Experience

Ever since I was young, I liked to make people laugh. Psychiatrists say funny people compensate for their low self-esteem through humor. I don't but that. Can't confident people be funny? And never once has a depressed person made me laugh.

Not that I'm saying depressed people are boring or anything, it's just hard to laugh when someone tells you that their girlfriend broke up with them and their planning to hang themselves tonight. Now, do you laugh when you hear that? No, I don't think so. Awkward laugh maybe, but that doesn't count as a laugh. 

So I guess my point is, you don't have to be depressed to be funny.

A few years back, I pretended I broke my arm in front of the whole class. Partly because it entertained me, partly because it entertained my friends, and mostly because I didn't want to write an essay. Chinese essay, of course. Figures.

So yeah. I'm lame to the point where I do stuff like that. Constantly.

Little did I know though, this would cause my almost death.

A few years ago, I was at a friend's birthday party. I was talking and stuff, when suddenly I choked on a piece of cake. I don't know how I could have possibly choke on the cake, because I remembered it being spongy.

And delicious..
And chocolate-y..
And oh so creamy..
And the texture was lighter then air.
Mmhhmmm~

Oh wait.

My point is, no one chokes on spongy things.

And it wasn't the kind of choke that made your food come out through your nose.

Im freeeee~

It wasn't the kind of choke that made you cough a couple of times followed by the food flying out of your mouth.

I'm freee tooooo~coming to join you brudder!

It wasn't even the kind of choke where you coughed so much, and so hard, your face turned red and everyone was looking at you.

I refuse to come out! heheee!

No. It wasn't any of those.

It was of the most dangerous, lethal, life-threatening, death-causing kind. Not joking. The cake somehow got lodge in my oesophagus and refused to move, blocking all oxygen entrance and any chance of survival. I was coughing and coughing and grabbing at my throat.

I could hear the oxygen molecules say:

'And now for the traffic update. There is a major congestion along the kilometer-52 Oesophagus highway believe to be caused by a large, spongy piece of cake, blocking all major exits. Sources say that this is the result of careless eating and the traffic should remain at a hold-still for at least a few more hours.'

But seriously, I really, really couldn't breathe. And I couldn't even shout for help because I couldn't even take in ONE breath of air. And my throat hurt so bad. I had never been more afraid in my whole life. I seriously thought I was going to die!

I tried looking at my friends to tell them of my impending death, but to my horror, they were all laughing at me. Like, LAUGHING.

And I was like,
No! NO! This is not a joke! I'm dying!

I realized the seriousness of the situation. Something must be done. Something. Anything!

Miraculously, I somehow managed to muster up all of my strength, use all my remaining oxygen, suck up the pain, and I managed to shout, Help Me!

When it comes to life preservation, your body does stuff that seems humanly impossible. The human body is just weird like that.

But anyway, the shout ended up sounding more like a squeak. Exactly like the Alvin and the chipmunk cartoon. Imagine them saying:
'Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeee~'

But at least I was saved. My friends knew I was dying. When after a few seconds, still no one came to my rescue, I looked up. And to my horror, they were laughing HARDER! And I was like, what the hell?

Well, as I said before, the human body is very good at life preservation. So somehow, a few painful minutes later, I managed to swallow the cake...all by myself...with no help...single-handedly.

By the time I had swallowed it, I was having cold sweats from my near-death encounter. My fingers were so tightly clutched around the edge of the table that my knuckles had turned white. My legs were trembling and wouldn't move when I told them to.

I was like, move legs!

And they were like, No!

This was exactly why the story of  'the-boy-who-cried-wolf' was made.

But if stunts like that get me out of doing essays, I'm so going to repeat it and not regret my actions.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is...

Be funny at your own risk.

The end.